Good evening
thank you very much
I speak to you today
as a true friend
I’m going to tell you
a couple of stories
I didn’t come here
to pander
folks, believe me
believe me
oh, believe me
I am a newcomer
hey, I have lobbyists
I have so many websites
I have them all over the place
I have more accountants than I have nurses
I was the grand marshal of the parade
many people turned down this honor
I did not
I don’t care
I’m really rich
that sounds crass
it’s not crass
by the way
I think I’m a nice person
I think I’m actually a very nice person
does my family like me?
I think so, right
I did them early and young
special, special
wow
whoa
do you want to hear something really shocking?
my daughter, ivanka, is about to have a beautiful jewish baby
I have known him for many years and we’ll be able to work closely together
I learned so much just sitting at his feet playing with blocks
listening to him negotiate
but he wasn’t a cheerleader
he’s actually a negative force
I said, is he intelligent?
which brings me to my next point
we’re always losing all this gorgeous brand-new stuff
terrible, terrible situation
deplorable, deplorable situation
a catastrophe and a disaster
a disaster called the big lie
it’s tough it’s nasty it’s mean it’s vicious it’s beautiful
when you win it’s beautiful
we have a hospital ready just in case
there’s nothing wrong with that, right?
if I run
if I run
I’m running
Trump It
Laura Willwerth lives in western Massachusetts. Her writing has appeared in Cosmonauts Avenue, The Sun, and The Massachusetts Review. Her chapbook, Trump It: Words I Found on the Right, where these poems appeared originally, was published by Factory Hollow Press.
SOURCES:
"If I Run"
Trump announcement speech, June 16, 2015, New York, New York
Trump victory speech, Feb. 20, 2016, Spartanburg, South Carolina
Trump speech to AIPAC, March 21, 2016, Washington, DC
"Trump It"
“Trump Does It His Way,” Maureen Dowd, The New York Times, April 3, 2016