Good evening

thank you very much

I speak to you today

as a true friend

I’m going to tell you

a couple of stories

I didn’t come here

to pander

folks, believe me

believe me

oh, believe me

I am a newcomer

hey, I have lobbyists

I have so many websites

I have them all over the place

I have more accountants than I have nurses

I was the grand marshal of the parade

many people turned down this honor

I did not

I don’t care

I’m really rich

that sounds crass

it’s not crass

by the way

I think I’m a nice person

I think I’m actually a very nice person

does my family like me?

I think so, right

I did them early and young

special, special



do you want to hear something really shocking?

my daughter, ivanka, is about to have a beautiful jewish baby

I have known him for many years and we’ll be able to work closely together

I learned so much just sitting at his feet playing with blocks

listening to him negotiate

but he wasn’t a cheerleader

he’s actually a negative force

I said, is he intelligent?

which brings me to my next point

we’re always losing all this gorgeous brand-new stuff

terrible, terrible situation

deplorable, deplorable situation

a catastrophe and a disaster

a disaster called the big lie

it’s tough it’s nasty it’s mean it’s vicious it’s beautiful

when you win it’s beautiful

we have a hospital ready just in case

there’s nothing wrong with that, right?

if I run

if I run

I’m running


Trump It




Laura Willwerth lives in western Massachusetts. Her writing has appeared in Cosmonauts Avenue, The Sun, and The Massachusetts Review. Her chapbook, Trump It: Words I Found on the Right, where these poems appeared originally, was published by Factory Hollow Press.



"If I Run"

Trump announcement speech, June 16, 2015, New York, New York

Trump victory speech, Feb. 20, 2016, Spartanburg, South Carolina

Trump speech to AIPAC, March 21, 2016, Washington, DC

"Trump It"

“Trump Does It His Way,” Maureen Dowd, The New York Times, April 3, 2016