[pacing TED stage]
[can’t seem to think of anything smart to say]
[sweats]
[baleful, sotto voce] I’m a fraud
[faints]
[applause]
[pacing TED stage]
we can’t have our cake and eat it too
[sips water]
but we can always not have it
and never eat it either
thank you
[applause]
[pacing TED stage]
batman?
brexit?
bitcoin?
bubble?
britney?
[sips water]
bridgegate
bilbo
baidu
babylon
benghazi
thank you
[applause]
[pacing TED stage]
[spends 30 mins reenacting gandalf vs the balrog, performing both parts]
[catching breath] the balrog
was apathy
thank you
[applause]
[pacing TED stage]
a goatee is a podcast for your face
[sips water]
and a full beard?
a full beard is an audiobook
thank you
[applause]
[pacing TED stage]
you don’t need a formal education anymore
[sips water]
but you do need it…
to know you don’t need it
thank you
[applause]
Mark Leidner writes poetry, fiction, and screenplays and lives in Oregon.